Far from home.

I am not sure where or how o start this, but I must try. I have a lot to say but first, let me give you some context. I am traveling alone to the USA. It’s the second time I travel alone but it’s the first time it actually counts. I am staying here for 19 days, and visiting 3 states in total, very cool, don’t you think? Yeah, I think it’s pretty cool too, or I thought so anyway.

Also for context, I am 22 I have just graduated university in a field I am not sure about and grades that I am quite embarrassed about and I find myself lost in the job search and passion search. This period sucks. This trip was a gift, sort of, from my parents for graduating university and I am fully aware of how lucky I am to be here so down with the judgments, please!

Now that you have context, I want to talk about what I have seen, felt and thought about. Yes, I think that’s what the rest of this piece will contain, I’m not sure, to be honest.

I am very traditions? Or is that I am very clingy to my origins? values? traditions? I am not sure. But what I do know is, I have always thought that when I would be fully free to do whatever the hell I want, I would be much more rebellious and wild than I have been for the past days. I am coming to appreciate my hijab, my beliefs, and the songs from my home country in completely new ways. Let me explain.

First, the songs! The first time I played an Algerian song on this trip was on my second flight to JFK. I was not feeling very well and people weren’t being so friendly and for some reason, I just found myself playing this song on my phone and I enjoyed that. The second time was when I headed to Manhattan for the first time on this trip. Once again, a quiet uncomfortable moment where I found solace and a little bit of familiarity in my songs. When I took notice of this behavior a couple of days later was when I went for a run. Usually, I play imagine dragons but that day, I played Djam. And I wondered if in that port in Woodbridge, New Jersey, anyone had played Dinar, by Djam ever before or even better, chanted ya denya by Labes while watching the river. I was surprised by the fact that this meant so much to me and gave me strength, but honestly, I understood. Listening to songs that are played hundreds of miles away only reminds ou how for you have come and encourages you to make it count!

Since then, most of my playlist when I am visiting somewhere new is either Elisa, Algerian or MYRATH. A whole new appreciation for avava ynouva that made me cry on the train!

Next my hijab! Would you believe me if I said that I got special treatment for wearing it? Oh yes, special! and much more positive than negative. I find that white men and women feel a sort of shame so they are very nice to me. Black, Hispanics or Muslims are overly nice because they all believe we belong in the same category, which I would have if I were an actual American ( WHICH I MUST SAY I DO WITH MY AWESOME NON-ACCENT dialect). And finally, the fellow immigrants, yeah they’re not so nice. I don’t know where this comes from and I would love to speak about it and understand it in a deeper way but all I know is, they were mostly mean, either with their looks or comments. To end this on a positive note, I went to Newark which is relatively a poor borough. There was a moment when the street was so packed, that just walking by I received about 10 ‘salamou alaykoum’s. I was so overwhelmed ad weirded out that I stopped answering after a while and got outta there. I come from Algeria, I am not used to being ‘nice to’, not too much anyway.

Oh finally, My beliefs. Yeah, that one is too personal. Let’s just say, I find people here to be quiet godless and too consumed in their own consumption. I do not want to live like this.

I come from a relatively poor country so watching people be rich and ungrateful about it is disheartening and scary. How can you be human or happy or at peace if you never stop to look around at everything you own.? My home town my stop a little too much but, well … let’s just say I’ve seen both extremes and they’re both ugly. I would rather figure out a middle ground, whatever that turns out to be.

For a first attempt at writing everything, I have learned and witnessed I believe this is alright! I’ll give it another shot soon. Till then, do all those things you’re supposed to do to support me, please… It really helps in my debates to get off my butt and write something!

Best of luck out there,

Nihad.